Currently, our church staff is reading a book entitled, Abundant Simplicity by Jan Johnson. In one of her chapters, she discusses this aspect of how we overuse our words and encourages us to take seriously how we use our words. The Apostle Paul says this in his letter to the church in Ephesus:
“Put on your new nature, created to be like God – truly righteous and holy. So stop telling lies. let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. And ‘don’t sin by letting anger control you.’ Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. If you are a thief, quit stealing. Instead, use your hands for good hard work, and then give generously to others in need. Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. (Ephesians 4:24-29).
If we are honest, we tend to use our words to manipulate others rather than encourage them. Johnson points out that, although we don’t always use physical force, our words are used in order to convince others. We think the purpose of talking is to convince those listening that our way is right – that we are right – and we have lost any amount of love or appreciation for the person we are talking to. It’s like we’re walking around looking for the next topic to debate so we can convince someone that we’re right. We do this with sports teams (who’s the better one); taste in music; the kind of car we drive; what people should do with their free time or where someone should go to college. This kind of attempt to always convince others drains our relationships.
There’s another damaging thing we do with our words: impression management. We do this all the time, don’t we? We attempt to talk ourselves up so we look better than we really are – or we want others to be reminded of all the good things we’ve done. We do this with the way we talk about the classes we’re taking, how busy we are, the awards we’ve received, or our knowledge of a certain subject. Think about the last time you talked about how busy you are (schoolwork, homework, work, sports, church, etc) and just ask yourself, “why did I share all that information? was it in order to make myself look good? what if I didn’t mention ANY of it, how would that feel?” Or think about how many times you can allow someone else to have the last word in a conversation. When we constantly are trying to impress others with our words, they become hallow and really empty…and people see right through it and we become isolated in the process.
But there’s another way – a simplicity of words.
So, here’s a thought. Why not trying to not speak for a certain period of time. It might be for a designated period of time (after school – bed time; during lunch at school; etc) or it might be in a situation where you would typically speak up, you choose to remain silent. See what that does to you. In this experiment, see how we are tied to our words and use them to convince others or to manage their impression of us. Maybe you might realize that in learning simplicity of words you actually begin to experience a better way.
Let me know your thoughts…
